Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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