We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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