I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
