Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
