made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
