If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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