I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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