did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
