i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
