well I can't set my house on fire every night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
