Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
