i just wanna soil my oats bro
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
