when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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