We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
