The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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