he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
