Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
