well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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