I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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