Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
