So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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