I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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