And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I just shit out all my problems.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
