last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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