everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
