I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
