i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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