if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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