It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
