im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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