Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Randomize
