What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
