i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
