So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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