i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
