Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
