I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
