Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
