It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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