TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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