my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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