After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
