Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
