my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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