why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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