Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
