remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
