where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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