That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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