The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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