never play flip cup with pint glasses
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
