I heard we made out
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
