my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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