Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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