i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
