Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
