she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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