don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
