Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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