life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize