My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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