I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
