either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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