shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
