I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
