There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
