You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
