we're blogging at a bar
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
