He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wear drunk well.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
