i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
