You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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