i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
