Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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